Thursday, April 29, 2004
Hello blogland. Guess what! I made a livejournal. A couple people said I should, and I guess I'm a sheep. I like the friends feature which lets me read friends' blogs all on one page. So that means all the people who's blogs I read but who aren't yet on LJ should go there. Or something.
Heck, I dunno - I just wanted to try something different. And I had some time between surgery lectures last week, so I set it up. Okay? So sue me!
Hehe, I think I'm feeling defensive. Why could that be....?
Heck, I dunno - I just wanted to try something different. And I had some time between surgery lectures last week, so I set it up. Okay? So sue me!
Hehe, I think I'm feeling defensive. Why could that be....?
Friday, December 19, 2003
Found this intriguing over at d's blog...
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. When and how did we first meet?
3. What was your first impression?
4. Do you still think that way about me now?
5. What do you think my weakness is?
6. What makes me happy?
7. What makes me sad?
8. What reminds you of me?
9. If you could give me anything what would it be?
10. How well do you know me?
11. When's the last time you saw me?
12. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
13. Do you think I could kill someone?
14. Describe me in one word.
15. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
16. Do I make you nervous?
17. Would you let me stay with you if I needed somewhere to go?
18. Would you be comfortable being alone with me?
19. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. When and how did we first meet?
3. What was your first impression?
4. Do you still think that way about me now?
5. What do you think my weakness is?
6. What makes me happy?
7. What makes me sad?
8. What reminds you of me?
9. If you could give me anything what would it be?
10. How well do you know me?
11. When's the last time you saw me?
12. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
13. Do you think I could kill someone?
14. Describe me in one word.
15. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
16. Do I make you nervous?
17. Would you let me stay with you if I needed somewhere to go?
18. Would you be comfortable being alone with me?
19. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?
Thursday, December 04, 2003
So D wanted to take the Buffy Character quiz, and guess what!
"You should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance, where I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong."
What "Buffy" Character Are You?
Giles
"You should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance, where I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong."
What "Buffy" Character Are You?
;-)
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
Doing patient write-ups has got to be one of the most irritating things ever. The funny thing is, I didn't always think so. Interestingly, I seem to have moved beyond the "doing homework" mentality. I guess I never was all that thorough, and I am not longer in the mood to make it look like I am.
I am about to conclude that linear reasoning is a figment of the human imagination. I try to write one idea, and several others nestle around it and push it backwards and forewards until I hardly believe the first one anymore. They all exist simultaneously and it's difficult to sort them out. The fact that I'm trying to write probably only makes the process more obvious to me. I probably never get through one line of thought successfully. That begins to depress me.
Of course, the writing I am referring to is this blog, not the write-up. As to the write up, I can't quite sort my thoughts about it. It's a jumble of thinking it's pointless and thinking it's too difficult, of thinking that residents don't even do this much, and thinking that residents have gained the experience not to have to do them only by doing them. Quite confusing. And on top, I have a splitting headache and I would much rather be reading "Order of the Phoenix".
Also, I have another entire day to complete two write-ups. However, I have other things I could and should be working on, only they're very poorly defined. I want to choose researchers around here to ask if I can meet them and maybe work in their labs at some point, but there are soooo many. D has given me a nifty strategy for finding them: searching high-impact journals for publications on interesting topics from nearby-institutions. However, I would like to be a little more selective in my topic search than just looking at high impact psychiatry journals. Specifically, I would like to narrow the search to psychphysiology and see what I find. However, I'm not sure what term to use to narrow the search. I doubt psychophysiology is a subject heading of its own, though maybe I'll try that, actually.
In addition, I have meetings (and telephone meetings) with people who will write me letters for the Howard Hughes program to prepare for. I have to collect my thoughts together into a tight, sensible bundle and be able to articulate them well. Maybe I should ask D to give me a mock interview, to make sure I really can clearly explain what I want to do and why. That shouldn't take too long, this evening.
What would I do without D, I ask? Poor thing has caught the cold I got down in Alabama, now that I'm done with it. I have passed on my supply of thera-flu to him.
...and of course I need to summarize my previous research experience and get my personal statement together for the application. after that, I'll be done with it...! I feel like I have more time with those last two things, and I do, but on Monday family med will start and it will probably distract me from these things...
I am about to conclude that linear reasoning is a figment of the human imagination. I try to write one idea, and several others nestle around it and push it backwards and forewards until I hardly believe the first one anymore. They all exist simultaneously and it's difficult to sort them out. The fact that I'm trying to write probably only makes the process more obvious to me. I probably never get through one line of thought successfully. That begins to depress me.
Of course, the writing I am referring to is this blog, not the write-up. As to the write up, I can't quite sort my thoughts about it. It's a jumble of thinking it's pointless and thinking it's too difficult, of thinking that residents don't even do this much, and thinking that residents have gained the experience not to have to do them only by doing them. Quite confusing. And on top, I have a splitting headache and I would much rather be reading "Order of the Phoenix".
Also, I have another entire day to complete two write-ups. However, I have other things I could and should be working on, only they're very poorly defined. I want to choose researchers around here to ask if I can meet them and maybe work in their labs at some point, but there are soooo many. D has given me a nifty strategy for finding them: searching high-impact journals for publications on interesting topics from nearby-institutions. However, I would like to be a little more selective in my topic search than just looking at high impact psychiatry journals. Specifically, I would like to narrow the search to psychphysiology and see what I find. However, I'm not sure what term to use to narrow the search. I doubt psychophysiology is a subject heading of its own, though maybe I'll try that, actually.
In addition, I have meetings (and telephone meetings) with people who will write me letters for the Howard Hughes program to prepare for. I have to collect my thoughts together into a tight, sensible bundle and be able to articulate them well. Maybe I should ask D to give me a mock interview, to make sure I really can clearly explain what I want to do and why. That shouldn't take too long, this evening.
What would I do without D, I ask? Poor thing has caught the cold I got down in Alabama, now that I'm done with it. I have passed on my supply of thera-flu to him.
...and of course I need to summarize my previous research experience and get my personal statement together for the application. after that, I'll be done with it...! I feel like I have more time with those last two things, and I do, but on Monday family med will start and it will probably distract me from these things...
Monday, December 01, 2003
So, D and I return from Thanksgiving, a successful trip in which family was met, assumtions were examined, and minds were rested. My family extends outward from the biological.
My grandmother was in the hospital for the entirety of our visit, which was, at least at first very frightening. Not to mention disappointing, because the last place I wanted to be while on break from med school was in the hospital. Thankfully (!) she is supposed to be discharged today. She didn't seem to have that bad a time of it. her problem was not too serious. It saddened me that she could not be home for the festivities, and frightenined me by causing me to ponder her overall decline. But appaerntly she's getting some physical therapy out of this deal, which may even put her back better than she started. That would be good.
Dave and I visited the Space and Rocket Center, a shrine to the US space program (and, as it happens, the military). I've been there several times, as you might imagine, but I had a slightly older perspective this time, I suppose. Technological advances no longer seem to come about by magic; I can now imagine the process, though I still have to force my mind to admit that each step is finite and ultimately understandable by me, given enough time. It's very exciting that the international space station is scheduled for completion next year!
...So now I'm back in NYC and gearing up for using my week's vacation (before beginning family med) to accomplish the things I need to do: research porgram application, search for ISP mentor, finish my psychiatry papers, and others. Also I need to get over the cold I acquired. Finally, I'll be singing at a Christmas party with my singing group tomorrow night and with the VCs in our brief winter concert on Thursday.
My grandmother was in the hospital for the entirety of our visit, which was, at least at first very frightening. Not to mention disappointing, because the last place I wanted to be while on break from med school was in the hospital. Thankfully (!) she is supposed to be discharged today. She didn't seem to have that bad a time of it. her problem was not too serious. It saddened me that she could not be home for the festivities, and frightenined me by causing me to ponder her overall decline. But appaerntly she's getting some physical therapy out of this deal, which may even put her back better than she started. That would be good.
Dave and I visited the Space and Rocket Center, a shrine to the US space program (and, as it happens, the military). I've been there several times, as you might imagine, but I had a slightly older perspective this time, I suppose. Technological advances no longer seem to come about by magic; I can now imagine the process, though I still have to force my mind to admit that each step is finite and ultimately understandable by me, given enough time. It's very exciting that the international space station is scheduled for completion next year!
...So now I'm back in NYC and gearing up for using my week's vacation (before beginning family med) to accomplish the things I need to do: research porgram application, search for ISP mentor, finish my psychiatry papers, and others. Also I need to get over the cold I acquired. Finally, I'll be singing at a Christmas party with my singing group tomorrow night and with the VCs in our brief winter concert on Thursday.
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
I am...
Jenny Calendar
"You think the realm of the mystical is limited to ancient texts and relics? That bad old science made the magic go away?"
What "Buffy" Character Are You?
Saturday, November 22, 2003
Well, it's studying-for-the-shelf time, which also means I'll probably be blogging more often. OTOH, I don't have much time to study, so maybe not.
I saw "The Shawshank Redemption" last night for the first time. I haven't cried so hard in a while! It reminded me of the time I watched "Grave of the Fireflies" in middle school. I've never liked the idea of prisons, and now I like it even less. Oddly relevant is the fact that on the INTJ list I frequent they've been discussing relative rates of imprisonment in the US vs. Europe. I say "they've" since I've no time to post these days, but I try to follow along because the conversations are interesting. Many things could play into those statistics: law content, crime rate, enforcement... but the content of the statistic was that the US imprisons a much higher percentage of its population than countries in the EU.
The idea of being institutionalized struck a chord with me at this point (probably at least partially) because of my recent experiences with the psychiatric hospital. (For clarity, I've been WORKING there!) The idea of someone's life being taken away from them so completely for their crime, to the point that they would commit suicide when they exited the system (as depicted in the film) upset me a great deal. Also the concept of solitary confinement disturbed me; Andy, the protagonist, spent two months essentially alone in the dark - I can hardly imagine it. I can see why Andy is considered an "INTJ hero".
Of course, psych hospitalization is not usually as permanent and arbitrary as prison (though it didn't seem too arbitrary that Red got his parole when he did) . But it is often tragic. People's illnesses render them unable to function outside a structured environment, in most cases (of long-term hospitalization). In other cases, people are too dangerous to be released. Most people do leave within a few weeks, mostly to return home. But in so many cases mental illness makes for very impoverished lives. (The fact that so many "sane" people have impoverished lives also is a depressing reality I won't go further into at this point...) (And BTW when I say "impoverished" I am not talking about money.)
Of course, last night's upsetness was partially left over from the fact that I've had a tough and tiring week. There's something to be said for my emotional state when the only comparable time I can remember is in 8th grade. Well, I've had a good night's sleep now, so I think I'm at least partially recovered. Dave is at a pub in Yonkers (or on his way back), where he has been watching the re-airing if the Rugby World Cup finals, in which England was playing. (He borrowed my car to do this - eek!) The live airing was at 4AM (from Ausatralia) and he actually had intended to attend it (also being shown at the pub), but we fell asleep accidentally last night without setting the alarm.
So in a fairly short time I'll know whether England has made D very happy. It's 30 years since they've been in the finals, as I understand it. I should go study now, but I've been getting very hungry, so I'll probably have some breakfast first.
I saw "The Shawshank Redemption" last night for the first time. I haven't cried so hard in a while! It reminded me of the time I watched "Grave of the Fireflies" in middle school. I've never liked the idea of prisons, and now I like it even less. Oddly relevant is the fact that on the INTJ list I frequent they've been discussing relative rates of imprisonment in the US vs. Europe. I say "they've" since I've no time to post these days, but I try to follow along because the conversations are interesting. Many things could play into those statistics: law content, crime rate, enforcement... but the content of the statistic was that the US imprisons a much higher percentage of its population than countries in the EU.
The idea of being institutionalized struck a chord with me at this point (probably at least partially) because of my recent experiences with the psychiatric hospital. (For clarity, I've been WORKING there!) The idea of someone's life being taken away from them so completely for their crime, to the point that they would commit suicide when they exited the system (as depicted in the film) upset me a great deal. Also the concept of solitary confinement disturbed me; Andy, the protagonist, spent two months essentially alone in the dark - I can hardly imagine it. I can see why Andy is considered an "INTJ hero".
Of course, psych hospitalization is not usually as permanent and arbitrary as prison (though it didn't seem too arbitrary that Red got his parole when he did) . But it is often tragic. People's illnesses render them unable to function outside a structured environment, in most cases (of long-term hospitalization). In other cases, people are too dangerous to be released. Most people do leave within a few weeks, mostly to return home. But in so many cases mental illness makes for very impoverished lives. (The fact that so many "sane" people have impoverished lives also is a depressing reality I won't go further into at this point...) (And BTW when I say "impoverished" I am not talking about money.)
Of course, last night's upsetness was partially left over from the fact that I've had a tough and tiring week. There's something to be said for my emotional state when the only comparable time I can remember is in 8th grade. Well, I've had a good night's sleep now, so I think I'm at least partially recovered. Dave is at a pub in Yonkers (or on his way back), where he has been watching the re-airing if the Rugby World Cup finals, in which England was playing. (He borrowed my car to do this - eek!) The live airing was at 4AM (from Ausatralia) and he actually had intended to attend it (also being shown at the pub), but we fell asleep accidentally last night without setting the alarm.
So in a fairly short time I'll know whether England has made D very happy. It's 30 years since they've been in the finals, as I understand it. I should go study now, but I've been getting very hungry, so I'll probably have some breakfast first.
Saturday, October 25, 2003
And the update...
I'm doing psychiatry!
For the future: *angst* Is this what I want to do forever and ever?
For the present: I finally have real evenings and weekends! *joy*
...And yet joy tempered with the realization that I have somehow forgotten how to enjoy free time properly. But I am up for re-learning!
And Dave's parents are in town this week. I will meet them tomorrow.
I'm doing psychiatry!
For the future: *angst* Is this what I want to do forever and ever?
For the present: I finally have real evenings and weekends! *joy*
...And yet joy tempered with the realization that I have somehow forgotten how to enjoy free time properly. But I am up for re-learning!
And Dave's parents are in town this week. I will meet them tomorrow.
In the last few years, I have made the transition from semi-mindlessly (albeit analytically) living my life from day-to-day to seeing it with a more critical eye, wondering what I want my life as a whole to be and wondering whether my current activities are accomplishing those ends. In neither of these states have I been particularly content with the present, choosing rather to relive the past (for analysis or nostalgia) or anticipate the future with worry, excitement, or dread. Though my current perspective permits me more control over my destiny, I sometimes miss those earlier times when the future was nebulous and the next few days or weeks stretched in front of me, punctuated by events to which I was looking forward. Now the future has an end besides getting to the nebulous "where I want to be". What then? What now? I want to make a goal with which I am happy and which yet will not consume me and cause me to forget about the present. I want a balance of work and relaxation, in wihch I can devote myself entirely to each in its turn.
As D likes to sarcastically remind me when I get similarly idealistic and demanding of self, I don't ask for much, do I? ;-)
As D likes to sarcastically remind me when I get similarly idealistic and demanding of self, I don't ask for much, do I? ;-)
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
workin' the night shift
So apparently I start OBGYN with a week of nights. Tonight I go to work at 6PM and finish at 9 the next morning. Rinse and repeat. This wouldn't seem so scary if i weren't so clueless about what I'm supposed to do on the floor so far! LOL, do on the floor. That sounds rather funny out of context.
Oh well, for now I'm going to try preparing the oral presentation I'm supposed to give tonight! And with luck I can get in a nap before I have to go to work.
And actually it seems that "rinse" thing could be literal - they say the bodily fluids are copious in this specialty...
So apparently I start OBGYN with a week of nights. Tonight I go to work at 6PM and finish at 9 the next morning. Rinse and repeat. This wouldn't seem so scary if i weren't so clueless about what I'm supposed to do on the floor so far! LOL, do on the floor. That sounds rather funny out of context.
Oh well, for now I'm going to try preparing the oral presentation I'm supposed to give tonight! And with luck I can get in a nap before I have to go to work.
And actually it seems that "rinse" thing could be literal - they say the bodily fluids are copious in this specialty...
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
this voicemail has come unstuck in time
As a follow-up to my previous paragraph about contacting D, it turns out that he called me last Thursday. The voice mail did not reach my phone until just now, presumably due to last week's power outages. How bizarre.
So it was my intern's last day on my team today. I will miss working with him - he was quite cool. Tomorrow is my last day of properly being a part of the team, too. Then on Thursday I have my exam, for which I should be studying now. Stuff keeps happening, though. I was at the hospital longer than I thought, and then D was in the Bronx longer than he thought, so I went to his place for a little while to visit. So now I'm back home, about to finally have dinner... I am so hungry now! I'd very much like a beer, but I suppose I'll have to wait until after studying for that.
...And then xine is supposed to call me about in a few re: our singing group auditions. So that should just about entirely blow my studying time for tonight, thank you very much. But I want to discuss the stuff. So I will. But now I will eat.
As a follow-up to my previous paragraph about contacting D, it turns out that he called me last Thursday. The voice mail did not reach my phone until just now, presumably due to last week's power outages. How bizarre.
So it was my intern's last day on my team today. I will miss working with him - he was quite cool. Tomorrow is my last day of properly being a part of the team, too. Then on Thursday I have my exam, for which I should be studying now. Stuff keeps happening, though. I was at the hospital longer than I thought, and then D was in the Bronx longer than he thought, so I went to his place for a little while to visit. So now I'm back home, about to finally have dinner... I am so hungry now! I'd very much like a beer, but I suppose I'll have to wait until after studying for that.
...And then xine is supposed to call me about in a few re: our singing group auditions. So that should just about entirely blow my studying time for tonight, thank you very much. But I want to discuss the stuff. So I will. But now I will eat.
